Six Years On...

Some old dreams have resurfaced.

Last night when I remembered how it felt, I cried again. I was returned to a very very lonely period in my life where I felt a huge sense of injustice life had dealt me with.

I had been a little disturbed lately. How is it that the hurt has frozen in the time and the wound never heals?

All of this time while I had matured and have the benefit of hindsight, it still remains hazy to me why I never wanna revisit these friendships again. Maybe they remind me of a time where my life fell apart at so many fronts. Love, friendships, family and even myself.

All the drama went on beneath the calm of daily life. I ate, I slept, I went to work. Standing in the train cabin on my way to the, tears rolled down my cheeks from the pain of it all. I wondered no less than once, how could life be this hard?



But it was a turning point no less. My whole life fell apart, it was good enough to feed the dogs.

And then like the resurrection of a pheonix, where it burns itself totally before it gets reborn again, I met my husband and everything turned for the better from then on.

I thank you, my Dear. You give me everything. As I look around myself now, it's EVERYTHING. Everything.that makes me happy today, it's because of you. The kids especially. No matter what happens, I am your loyal wife, to death.

As for the wounds. Do I go back and try to undo them? I love my Old friends and I still do. I miss them. When I was sick and thought I may get cancer, they came to mind when I thought about who I want to make peace with. If I am ever going to die, I want to untie the knots between us.

Also, as a positive personal growth thing, I wish to take it out, thrash it and leave it all behind. To not cry when I think about this. I have what I need now and I dun wanna be bearing negative feelings all my life. So yes, I am re accepting them and see how it goes. In accounting term, it is called a writeback.

Not to mention friends are so hard for me to get these days. Especially the kind that goes back with you a long way. As I grow older, I must learn to hang on.

Save for one. It's still a writeoff for now. I dunno when the writeback will happen, or if it ever will.