Will I get a diagnosis today?

I am about 3 months into this illness. Still the root cause of my weakness remains elusive.

I feel weak generally. The dizziness is almost gone and my blood pressure measured normal for 2 times during my last two visits to the hospital.

It was gone, and returns today due to a cold I have caught 2 days ago.

So up, down, up down. On good days, I do not feel dizzy. But the weakness stays. So I do not overwork. Days are spent mostly watching drama on tv, besides cooking.

If I exert too much, I feel a slight pain on the left chest at an area that feels like my heart. So I do not exert. ECG and blood tests were ok last time, maybe I need to go for deeper investigation.

For iron deficiency, the doctor is trying to find the root cause, whether there is any internal bleeding that causes it. So I did an ultrascan on the womb last week. And pertaining to my chest pain complaint, the doctor felt a lump in my left breast and I did a mamagram on that.

This afternoon, we are going to see the doctor. She will explain the results.

The mamagram was a scary experience. I am so so afraid of being diagnosed with you know what. So far I have been afraid many times for this illness. I was afraid I would have kidney problem once when I felt back pain near that area, and I worried abou heart problem, and I also worried about brain problem which prompted me to order the brain scan. I even worried about appedicutis when I had slight sensation on that part of my body one night! I had cried at the A&E department worried about what serious illness I may have.

Long story short - I worry alot because I dunno exactly what ails me! Half of me am sick of not knowing and wished I'd know even if it is bad news. But the other half also keeps wishing it ain't something serious.

Lately however, I tend to focus on getting healed than worrying. I think I have done everything I could to my lifestyle to help that.

While I can't get a medical disgnosis, my own feeling is I hadn't taken good care of my health for the past months before this struck. And that I am very weak now. So, my plans are I will try to get back to health slowly. I try to remind myself to be happy that I am not dizzy anymore and the head doesn't feel heavy or groggy. Sometimes I get impatient thinking why it takes so long.

There are still some uncertainties, and I still have some worries for this afternoon's consultation. But let's hope things turn for the better.

Please say a small prayer for me as you read this. I wish to be well again soon, jumping up and down. Taking my kids everywhere in Singapore, sewing lots and lots of new purses, sell more beautiful fabric, write more funny and interesting blog posts. Thank you. :)